I present to you my brief but bitter career as a trombonist - and when I say 'brief', I mean 20 minutes long, 18 of which were spent handling a trombone for the first time in my life, and the remaining two of which were spent recording my first hit single, under the nom de trombone John Boston.

Listen here.

They say that thousands of screaming fans can’t be wrong. I say that thousands of screaming detractors can be wrong.